Nicole vs. Life
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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