Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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