fuck your aforementioned shoe
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
