honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
