i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
