if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
