Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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