Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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