i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
worst night to have a conscience
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Randomize
