His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
ttyl tear gas
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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