Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
