i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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