we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
