she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
