I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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