sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
