I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
