I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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