i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
