i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
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Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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