I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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