I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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