After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
