FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
