I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
