dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
