so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
