oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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