i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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