im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
