Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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