I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
