Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
