she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
