Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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