your parents love me but you hate me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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