you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
