Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
