Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
