he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
