I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize