Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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