If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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