so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
