Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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