Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
