I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
