we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
