Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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