i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
