The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
