I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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