So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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