Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
