he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
