You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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