Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
