I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
