At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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