tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
