I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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