after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
