she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
