This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
