She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
