my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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