don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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