Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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